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22 23

Theft of a hundred dollars, toxic work relationships, accessibility of the second job, bank bureaucracy… No, most importantly — total loneliness and collapse of my expectations. The best moment to share what happened with me during the first month…

We are on the Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, and one month has gone since we have been in the New York City, and about one month — maybe a little bit more — has gone since I have turned twenty three. And I want to tell you three stories, that happened with me during my first month in the United States, and I will tell you why I shared with you these stories. All of them are connected with expectations.

My first story and first expectation — that I should treat people the best I can, because all of the people deserve it; I should be kind with all of them; I should compromise with all of them. And the thing is, that I should not do this. I will not tell you the names, it is not important, but when I came here, I met my manager — and from the first days, he tried to make jokes, but at first, I thought it is a cultural thing, cultural attitude, cultural characteristics, that I should take it easy. But about two weeks ago, things started to go insane, and currently, I am dealing with very toxic relationships. I do not want to complain — I just want to tell you, that if someone treats you like shit, it is not acceptable, you should not accept that. Does not matter, whether you are from Russia or from the United States, or from the Canada: it does not matter. No one deserves this kind of communication, this kind of jokes, this kind of treatment.

The second story and the second expectation is that when I came to the United States, I have already got one job. I work at the pizza shop, because it is a mandatory step to stay in the United States, — temporarily, but still — and I wanted to find an additional job, because my communicative skills and my speaking skills are pretty high for the kind of jobs like server or waiter, and I really wanted to become one — to broaden my skills, to develop them, to develop myself, to create some positive challenges for me. And the thing is, that I have not found the job — not because of the «On the Hampton Beach, you have not got any job offers or something». Maybe — maybe they currently have several positions, but I have tried several times, I have tried for several days, and then, I realized, that «No, I can not do this and I do not want to do this». So, the second expectation is that I needed — I needed — to think about the «Plan B», because when I have realized, that I can not find an additional job and not to be a dishwasher, I was disappointed. I was disappointed really big. I need to get rid of that.

And the third and final expectation… I wanted to buy a guitar. I saved a couple of my weekly incomes and then I ordered it, because I wanted to perform on the streets, because it is invaluable experience — to perform on the streets in the United States. ¡But, because of some bureaucracy problems, I made several — not several, five — five orders! ¡Five same orders! And the reason of cancelling all of these orders was the billing address — some bureaucracy bank problems. So, my expectation was, that I will save two or three incomes and I will buy a guitar, and everything will be fine. No, it is not: some things are just did not work and some things will not work — and that is fine. That was my expectation, that ruined my psychological state.

The reason I am telling you this is not because I wanted to sound like some motivational speaker — no, I just wanted to share with you the problems, because I find very important, that you might find it helpful.

The thing is, that I am twenty three years old now, and I want to… I want to achieve the state, when I will make as little expectations as possible. Currently, I do not now how to get rid… how to get rid of them, but still — I just… I just… I just so want — and I want you to get rid of your expectations, to do whatever you want, whatever you can, and you will achieve whatever is possible. Just do your best, no matter what — it is painful, it is hard. I am feeling… Currently, I am feeling lonely. I was feeling lonely since the first days and I am still feeling very lonely, but I hope, I hope — and I hope you will do this too — you get rid of these expectations, because we are projecting our thoughts in our minds, and it is closely connected with our attitude, with our well-being — psychological, mental, physical. It is connected. I just wanted to share with you.

Now, I would like to tell you about the things, that I was trying to do to solve my problems a little bit — to see new places, to see new stuff.

The photograph of the environment at the Hampton Beach.
The environment at the Hampton Beach.

Hampton Beach — relaxing consumption: a lot of venues, — restaurants, pizza shops — which are open all night long, lots of tourists. Even public performances for all ages.
I am definitely feeling like a guest worker here. Depression and loneliness.

The photograph of the general view of the Hampton town.
The general view of the Hampton town.

I wanted to see a real America — so, I spent a hundred dollars to buy a bike: of course, I could rent one, but there was not a big difference in price and I did not want to get an old and broken one. I was waiting for it for a week — and spent couple of days in search of the required instruments to assemble it. I realized, that the model is too small for my height afterwards, but it was better than nothing.
After a month of staying at the Hampton Beach, I decided to visit the Hampton town on my own. Even in small towns like this one, I have seen no trash on the road — but saw some typical, but still interesting places.

The photograph of the Sacred Heart School.
The Sacred Heart School as an example of the religious schools in the United States.

For example, churches in America — very different from those in Russia. Sometimes, they have schools — like this, Sacred Heart School — connected to them.

The photograph of a typical American playground for kids.
A typical American playground for kids.

What is especially interesting, even playgrounds — all of them are the same you tend to see in American sitcoms or films.

The photograph of the «Farmers Market» installation.
The «Farmers Market» installation as an example of the growing up features in the United States.

Children playgrounds have the developing installations — connected with the culture, heritage, and rules.

The photograph of the first public school in the Hampton town.
The first public school in the Hampton town.

After visiting the Sacred Heart School, I found the first public one — with the big bell installation and all the information and gratitude to everyone connected with it.

The photograph of the «devoted to» stones at the Hampton town.
You can see the «devoted to» stones in a lot of places at the Hampton town.

Americans value their history — you can understand it even in small towns like Hampton.

The photograph of the beautiful view on the road back to the Hampton Beach.
The beautiful view on the road back to the Hampton Beach.

But it was time to go back — in the United States, high-speed roads are closely located to the beautiful nature, so I have stopped several times to just enjoy the moments.

The blurred photograph of a venue at the Hampton Beach.
The blurred photograph of a venue at the Hampton Beach — one of thousands there.

To be honest, I did not want to return and see all these venues again — I prefer exploring the American culture much more than consuming.

The photograph of the view from the motel Vavn Dorokhin is currently living in.
The view from the motel I am currently living in.

But today, at least, I came a little bit closer to this goal. And I will achieve it — without any beaches or consumption.

(Vavn Dorokhin — «22 23»)